I just returned from a trip to Southern California, where we went to celebrate my Mom’s 94th birthday with family and friends. It was a joyous occasion filled with lots of special moments and memories. It was also a time to reflect on the person I am today and the person I used to be, before I moved to Utah.
My life is on such a different path than it used to be. The person I was, thank goodness, is not the person I have grown to be. I am going to be very transparent, and share with you who and what I was and why I am so blessed to be where I am today. Today, I am surrounded by people who I love, people who love me, and that I can make a difference with. It took work, trust, faith and most important loving me!
Emotional abuse starts in many ways, and in many different kinds of situations.
At home, it looked like: never feeling like I was enough, being told I should be better at this and that.
At school: I wasn’t thin enough or popular enough. The same themes carried throughout my jobs, my marriage and then I, myself, become my own worst enemy by the chatter that consistently is said by ME in my own mind. Can you relate?
My Health: I was 266+ pounds, and had 3 auto-immune diseases. I had no quality of life, and was in a very unhealthy, emotionally and verbally abusive marriage.
Others included: Marrying a man (for 23 years) who used control through his words to hurt, and destroy me; dis-empowering my self-esteem and belief in myself; undermining and sabotaging me; and then make me feel that no one else would ever love me. Thus I was deserving of this, and worst of all: I thought I was the one who caused the situation.
That was my life; and I could beat myself up with the best of them.
I think the biggest realization was the fact that I wanted to change. I wanted to be that person that spoke to others kindly. But speaking without having the words cut through to the very core to who I speaking to, was impossible. I learned it so well and it was a defense mechanism that was on auto pilot.
Why you ask?
I, being in a very unhealthy relationship for as many years as I was, become that chaotic person I was surrounded by. I lived in my story. I didn’t take the moments to realize what I was accountable for and what I could change and what I could not. That was my lesson to learn. This is even after I married the man of my dreams, who is my best friend and my soul mate. This was after moving to another state, where people treated me in unkind and hurtful ways. Even after all these things, it didn’t take long to fall right back into that cycle.
Gee, and I thought I checked my baggage at the curb!!
Your environment is critical of how you perceive situations, as well as deal with them. Outside influences, even small comments are taken so personally, that they cut to your very core. This had also caused me to be a person that was not fun to be around. I was always negative and, worst of all, hurtful to others that loved me. Now mind you, it was never meant to be malicious or intentional, it was automatic. It was like a switch that was turned on because of the past verbal and mental abuse that I couldn’t turn off… or so I thought. I also realized how it affected my friends, and how hard it was to continue to support someone who was draining them with all the negativity.
That is when I read the book Aspire by Kevin Hall. It changed everything. I learned my word. GENSHAI. Never treating someone in the manner that is small…including myself! I also learned you I can apologize, be accountable and forgive, starting with ME. You can always move forward, and take a chance to mend the past, you cannot change it, but you can change the future! Going to So. Cal gave me the ability to mend a friendship of over 35 years; to show up as me the REAL me, the HAPPY me, the KIND me. The “me” I always was, but just never believed in enough to show to myself… let alone others.
I now use my mess of who I was to help others. I help women who are drowning in a unhealthy abusive relationships with themselves or another person. I help the woman who cannot find that switch to turn it off and move toward a new light of being positive, having respect, love and kindness.
You deserve to be happy, loved and respected. If you are wondering how to gauge the health of your relationships, you aren’t alone. My website allows you to take a confidential assessment test of just how healthy your relationship is; intimate or non –intimate. Click here to go Visioning Your Life to take the assessment and receive a free 30 minute consultation with me for the results.
You deserve it all, and the best thing is YOU CAN HAVE IT!