Loving Yourself First

Loving Yourself First

I wonder how many of us always put everyone and everything ahead of our own needs; our spouse/boyfriend/significant other, children, parents, friends, co-workers even sometimes strangers. When we do have the chance to give permission to do something wonderful for ourselves, do you find yourself feeling uncomfortable or even guilty?

We take on so many things in life making our plate so full that it even spills over the sides. Yet, even knowing that our “plate is so full”, we continue to take on more. Often I have found that this is a way we can hide what we are experiencing, not allow us to perceive how we truly feel about ourselves and the way we allow ourselves to not face the situations that we need to deal with, change with or grow from.

When we put everyone and everything ahead of ourselves, convincing our own mind that we are doing it out of love or kindness, who are we really doing the most harm to? If we are not in a good place, how do we believe that I am worthy and I am enough? If we don’t believe it within ourselves, how can we bring out the best in others? We allow us to be buried in “to do lists” using that as an excuse as why we are so miserable, or upset, when in of itself, we are just not in a place that we feel we deserve the love and respect of making us important, to either say no or delegate some of the responsibility.

We may be in a toxic relationship, where words or actions are abusive, undermining or demeaning. The power to love ourselves is taken away with each word that is thrown to us, making us feel small and unworthy. It becomes cyclic; we then do the same to those that we are surrounded by. It could be our family, children, friends or co-workers. It is our wall or shield of armor that we wear, hopefully blocking the transparency of how we really feel about ourselves. Thus, the busier we are, the more we undertake, and the less we have to deal with the REAL issues at hand.

Loving ourselves first, gives us the ability and empowerment to share that with others. Allowing those that are in our lives to be able to support us and edify us and the gifts we embody. Yet, when we are in that dark place, we just hide rather than run into the world and have to be our true selves. Just like the story of the donkey in the well. The old donkey fell into a well one day. His piteous cries were heard by the farmer, yet the farmer did not know how to help him. Knowing the donkey was old and the well needed to be covered, he invited his neighbors over to help cover the well with dirt, burying the donkey within it. One by one the farmers grabbed a shovel and started throwing dirt upon the donkey. The donkey realizing what was happening started crying piteous cries again. Suddenly the donkey became very quiet, when the farmer looked into the well; he saw the donkey shake each shovel of dirt off his back, step up on the dirt thus moving him closer to the opening of the well. The farmers kept shoveling the dirt, and with each one again the donkey shook it off its back and took a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick is getting out of that well. We can use the dirt to bury ourselves in lots and lots of things, causing us not to have to face the real situation or problems at hand, or we can use it to take a step up and toward loving ourselves by feeling we are worthy of all the gifts we so freely give to others are indeed the gifts we deserve to give to ourselves first and foremost.

By allowing ourselves to walk not only out of the well but then into the world with our head held up high, all of our relationships become better, but the one within our self ultimately becomes the best!


Judee Guay

Certified Life Vision Expert, Life Coach and Speaker




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